New Year, What's New?

Coming in to the end of a year has always been something I got excited for. I’m a sucker for setting new goals, looking ahead, the idea of “new year new me” without really changing who I am, or as it’s being phrased online this year “rebranding”. 

I’m at in between not-truly-type-A-but-structured-enough-type-B-doesn’t-feel-right person. I love checklists, goal setting, evaluating what’s been done and planning for what is to come. Ask my husband, going with the flow or not having an outline of a plan even for a weekend is hard for me. I live out of at least 2 planners, a desk calendar, and my phone calendar to keep me straight.

So ending a year and sitting down to create something fun, crafty, and somewhat structured to help me see what needs done or I want to accomplish in the new year has always been the best part of a winter break, for at least the last 8 years.

But this year feels different.

I remember the first time I sat down to create a yearly bucket list. 2018 was at the top and I had a lot going on. I was going to retire from my State Office in April, graduate with my Associates in May, move off campus, start working between classes, turn 21, workout more, write more, blah blah blah.

It was a big year for me. I know I accomplished a lot of my goals, but going into 2019 I had some that weren’t met and carried over- the biggest thing was surviving my most important practicum yet. Then 2020 the big thing was surviving student teaching and starting my first year as a teacher. 2021, compete in a pageant, survive moving, a new school and coaching. 2022, another pageant and plan activities relating to my sisters wedding. 2023, work on planning my own wedding. 2024, get married. 2025, bring our baby into the world and survive the newborn phase.

Some things always have happened during the year that adjust my plans, add in goals, or change my mindset, but for so long there has been at least one big thing staring me in the face I had to work to get through that was monumental or new. 

But as I’ve spent the past few weeks thinking about spending some time over my Christmas break creating something fun to track my goals and life progress in 2026 it felt different. Finally I realized it.

2026 is the first year I’m entering without a known large event or challenge ahead of me. Surely something will come up in the next 365 days, but as of now the only thing on my plate for the next year is same old same old.

Same job same school same grade (don’t let this jinx me). Same house same boys to grow with each day (Lincoln will change so fast but that’s to be expected). Same town. Same car. Same me.

I feel lost in a way. Chaos (even fun chaos) has been my life for so long it’s hard to sit in the calm. But having realized this I can see that under what I thought was calm is something needing small work.

There may not be a big event circled on the calendar for my 2026 just yet. I may not spend every free minute preparing for something that is to come. But what I do need to do in 2026 is find me.

I’m sure anyone who has entered motherhood has had a moment they look back at all the things they have ever been- athlete, student, leader, writer, artist, teacher, friend, sister, daughter, wife- and realized it’s all overshadowed by the beauty of becoming mom. But in that new big important label we tend to let go of everything else that made us who we are. 

I’ll never be anything more important than my son’s mom and I’m so thankful I get to do it each day. But in 2026 I want to rediscover who I am now alongside that title. I’m not pushing it away, I’m not running from what I used to be, but what is important to me that works with what my life is now? 

It’s not one date in my planner I’m looking towards which makes it feel even more scary.

It’s something I’ll think of frequently, or will fall to the back of my mind for a few weeks before popping back up. It’s not going to be checking off boxes and a moment of “awesome, it’s done, next thing!” But constant growth and trial and error.

And maybe I don’t figure it out in 2026. Maybe I have this same thought next December.

But isn’t it fun to get the chance to view the coming year as an empty book, ready for whatever we get to experience?

I’m a sucker for a clean slate, and it’s never been as clean before as it is now.