The Grief We Don' Talk About

In a world where it seems like everything is shared and everyone posts their life, there’s one thing that still feels shameful to even mention, let alone voice our struggles with, and often times ask for help getting through.

Grief is something you don’t understand until you unfortunately face it yourself. Then there are multiple categories of grief we must sort through.

Loss of a grandparent, parent, child, sibling, friend, the list goes on of people we could lose that affect us with a grief felt on so many levels. And then we add in how the loss occurred. Was it known this person would pass? Was it sudden?

 What happens when the loss is due to suicide and it feels dirty to even mention that out loud?

Until you go through a specific grief, you really don’t understand it.

 Consider yourself lucky if you don’t understand why after so much time has passed, someone still struggles to handle what they went through. 

It’s been 15 years since my dad passed away. I was 13, and now at 28 I think it hurts even more than the early years after it happened.

Time does not heal all wounds, in fact in my case it makes it worse as I reach each new life milestone. Every important event I’ve had in my life has been without my dad. Graduation- from high school and college, getting an FFA state office and my American Degree, publishing a book, getting married, having a kid. 

All these moments have been covered in my heart with a hint of sadness because someone important was missing.

I know others get that. Special moments miss that extra edge of importance when all you can think is “You should be here.”

If you’ve lost someone so close to you, even a random Tuesday can have heart stopping moments you realize how much it hurts without them.

I’m not upset people don’t understand the pain of growing up without a parent. I am jealous, but I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

And even though there are other losses I haven’t experienced, know that I’d always try my best to understand and listen if you need to talk. 

Grief should never be held by one person. Talk about it. Share it. Feel it so we can honor those we have lost. There is no “getting over” grief like this. There is just moving forward and getting through the hard days. 

It’s been 15 years, and the pain of loss is always on my mind. 

This year I hope I continue to make my dad proud. I hope he continues to watch over those who loved him. I hope the good days outweigh the bad. 

I hope you feel the love of those you have lost, and I hope you know you’re not expected to just forget it, even if your sadness is a discomfort to some. They don’t get it. We do.