Probability of Being

In the past year I’ve had several moments where I pause, take stock of my life and my blessings, and I’m completely blown away by it all. I don’t have the biggest house but we have a home that is perfectly ours. I don’t have the most money and highest paying job (if I could smirk into the camera like the Office I would), but we enjoy what we have and I love making a difference when I’m able to. I don’t have the most friends I spend hours upon hours with, but I know those close to me value who I am.

None of it is otherworldly or award winning in the grand scheme of things. It’s all above and beyond what I ever thought I’d have, earn, and get to do though and I can be amazed by it multiple times a day even.

I know I’m getting old because in these moments I can sit back and say “how did the dumb things of my past not ruin the life I’ve now created?” How did I survive some of my own stupidity to be the person deserving of all of this? Sure, things aren’t perfect but I don’t believe it ever really is for anyone. The way I see my life though, each moment that can be a blemish makes it imperfectly real. It reminds me I’m human, I’m alive, and this is where I’m meant to be.

The Earth has been around for roughly 4.5 billion years.

Google says humans have inhabited it for roughly 300,000 years.

The first people came to America around 30,000 years ago.

My ancestors only came over within the last couple hundred years.

And each moment of time somehow led to a billion things falling like dominos to bring me into existence. And since my birth it feels like a billion other things happened to get me here where I am today.

Every decision I made, but also all the decisions of other people influenced what became and what now is.

Even in the hardest moments of life there’s something magical about realizing how special it all is. You feel loss deeply because you had someone or something you cared about. Being overwhelmed shows you have purpose. Even loneliness can be a sign that once you were surrounded by love- and know it will come again.

A billion little things had to happen for you to experience everything you have, to be where you are. 

The probability of it all happening to bring me where I am is pretty special and I’m forever grateful for even the darkest moments now that I’m surrounded by love and light.